Re the being the same person in every room, it did resonate with me in that there are a lot of rooms where I still mask and don't feel comfortable to be myself. I didn't take it that I have to be exactly the same in every room but that I would like to feel safe to be me in every room, whichever version of myself I wanted to be that day 💖 xx
I think I may have seen the note because you hearted it, as is the way the algorithm works.
I love that it resonated with you.
I think that I’ve been out as autistic for so long now that I’ve learned the bits that are me, and the lovely feeling of being able to shift from room to room which I imagine was a side effect of having to mask/camouflage as a child/adolescent/young adult.
That I don’t have to be static makes the most sense to my brain…and I definitely interpreted “sameness” as literal one note, and not as “being able to be me…which is a whirling dirvish of facets”.
Thank you for sharing what resonated with you, and for letting me have an opinion that differs without negative consequence.
I appreciate you and your kindness so very very much.
'a whirling dervish of facets' oh my god I love this!!! 💖
I guess I adjusted the note in my head to being myself in every room, which is what resonates. Even if I could be comfortable as myself in every room I wouldn't be the same in every room. Xxx 💖
I love that adjustment. I do believe that I’m me in every room…and that…I always have been, and maybe that’s why I’ve had such a hard time in my life…because no matter how I shimmer…I never am able to blend.
That my pervasive demand for autonomy has always been so strong that it wouldn’t allow me to mask the way some folks are able.
So I’ve always shown up, and oddity and hoped to be loved as I am.
This has made me think so much! Thank you! Yes I guessed you are always you which is wonderful, and what I admire so much! I feel I was squashed into masking as a child and teen by feeling unsafe unless I did that I'm still learning how to unmask. It has caused so much burnout as it is exhausting squashing my pda!
Keep shimmering! I am finding my shimmer, and I often think of you when I do!! 💖
That sounds like such an absolutely lovely weekend. I'm so happy to hear how it's going and that you're taking the space to do this in the ways that feel good and enriching and not draining. ❤️🩷❤️
Hmmm… I’m not surprised you find those hours demanding. I think your idea of posting them on socials is going to work. The trick is to find someway of letting people like me know if we should pack up our stuff and come in or not. I’m fine either way, I just would rather not come in and find it closed. I’d understand! But I’d also probably give up after a bit. And then feel bad about it. And have regrets.
I had a lovely start to my Saturday. It proceeded poorly after that but I could return to it and feel better about the day. It also highlighted the extreme difference of a space that “gets” me, and a space that doesn’t. I was so worn out by the end of Saturday that I was battling sleep while driving… at 6:00. (My car is a space that relaxes me too - an issue sometimes!! Though other times it just grants me permission to sing without feeling self-conscious.)
My brain has been very busy trying to come up with sound absorption strategies. Unfortunately, big rug hookings are very time consuming though fun to think about 😉
I, almost had a meltdown at the birthday party I attended yesterday because there was too much noise and activity but I managed to get out in time.
Running a space is definitely so much work, and I know I’ll find a groove. I used to for sure be at Curious & Kind in Almonte between 1pm-3pm, for the public, and the I’d run workshops for people or space hang outs dedicated to certain groups.
Maybe I’ll do that again! Oh! Thank you for helping me sort this!
Thinking about how I could make you (and other folks like us) more comfortable being there is super helpful!
I appreciate you and hope you find a sound absorption strategy (and if you do, I’d love to hear about it).
Pretty sure it’s wall and floor coverings like curtains and rugs… but the only curtains I have are teal with brown velvet damask. Very glam. Very not-your-space. Hanging the walls with quilts, tapestries, blankets, and heavy fabric curtains would be lovely and make it very cozy it’s just- where do you get those so it doesn’t cost an arm and a leg?
Absolutely that. Either I have regular hours (and the possibility that no one comes and I’ve wasted an entire day waiting) or I do what I used to do, which is check in with my capacity and post the hours daily so folks know where to find them.
Of course if you were coming, you could text me when you wanted to be there, and I’d make sure I was there. 💖💖💖
Regarding that note - I don't really even understand it. I think it's normal for neurodivergent and neurotypical people to be different not only in different environments but just day to day. It sounds like they're trying to mask but maybe got the wrong memo? That seems both hard and not even expected by society, so I am not sure who their audience was and I kinda hope they're okay.
I think it’s likely that the person who wrote it is having realizations they are trying to put into words for themself, and not all of them will be perfectly worded and that is part of their figuring themself out.
Or maybe it was perfectly worded for them and wasn’t meant to explain another person’s experience.
But either way, it gave me something to think about. And it was good thinking.
I appreciate you so very much, and I value your thoughts so very highly. 💖
Also who is the same person in every room? Like, are you the same person in the club as in the boardroom? In the bar or at your in-laws? At parent- teacher and at work? (I’m struggling to allow people the space to have that resonate.) In my experience it’s more figuring out for yourself how each room actually feels instead of relying on how it “should” feel based off common experiences and then what to do about it if it doesn’t feel okay. Like maybe allowing yourself a break outdoors after a tense boardroom meeting instead of discipling yourself back to your desk. Using emails instead of meetings (good advice for anyone!) when possible and meeting people at their workstation or on a walk instead of in a boardroom. (So many strategies are good for all, not just the neurodivergent)
But I get it that some people are looking for clever one off phrases to sum up the experience, and while at first glance a quote like this might make sense…this quote didn’t do it for me.
I love that you said, "I shimmer." I think of shimmering as something a person only sees when looking at something/someone else, since it's about how the light bounces off a surface. I like the idea of a person experiencing their own shimmering. I know it could also mean being aware that you shimmer to other people, but I was imagining that you must feel it happening.
You really are a spectacular human 💖
Love the fairie birdhouse!
Re the being the same person in every room, it did resonate with me in that there are a lot of rooms where I still mask and don't feel comfortable to be myself. I didn't take it that I have to be exactly the same in every room but that I would like to feel safe to be me in every room, whichever version of myself I wanted to be that day 💖 xx
I think I may have seen the note because you hearted it, as is the way the algorithm works.
I love that it resonated with you.
I think that I’ve been out as autistic for so long now that I’ve learned the bits that are me, and the lovely feeling of being able to shift from room to room which I imagine was a side effect of having to mask/camouflage as a child/adolescent/young adult.
That I don’t have to be static makes the most sense to my brain…and I definitely interpreted “sameness” as literal one note, and not as “being able to be me…which is a whirling dirvish of facets”.
Thank you for sharing what resonated with you, and for letting me have an opinion that differs without negative consequence.
I appreciate you and your kindness so very very much.
'a whirling dervish of facets' oh my god I love this!!! 💖
I guess I adjusted the note in my head to being myself in every room, which is what resonates. Even if I could be comfortable as myself in every room I wouldn't be the same in every room. Xxx 💖
I love that adjustment. I do believe that I’m me in every room…and that…I always have been, and maybe that’s why I’ve had such a hard time in my life…because no matter how I shimmer…I never am able to blend.
That my pervasive demand for autonomy has always been so strong that it wouldn’t allow me to mask the way some folks are able.
So I’ve always shown up, and oddity and hoped to be loved as I am.
This has made me think so much! Thank you! Yes I guessed you are always you which is wonderful, and what I admire so much! I feel I was squashed into masking as a child and teen by feeling unsafe unless I did that I'm still learning how to unmask. It has caused so much burnout as it is exhausting squashing my pda!
Keep shimmering! I am finding my shimmer, and I often think of you when I do!! 💖
That sounds like such an absolutely lovely weekend. I'm so happy to hear how it's going and that you're taking the space to do this in the ways that feel good and enriching and not draining. ❤️🩷❤️
nodding in agreement
I am still always learning. 💖 But I think I’m going to do it more thoughtfully this time through.
Hmmm… I’m not surprised you find those hours demanding. I think your idea of posting them on socials is going to work. The trick is to find someway of letting people like me know if we should pack up our stuff and come in or not. I’m fine either way, I just would rather not come in and find it closed. I’d understand! But I’d also probably give up after a bit. And then feel bad about it. And have regrets.
I had a lovely start to my Saturday. It proceeded poorly after that but I could return to it and feel better about the day. It also highlighted the extreme difference of a space that “gets” me, and a space that doesn’t. I was so worn out by the end of Saturday that I was battling sleep while driving… at 6:00. (My car is a space that relaxes me too - an issue sometimes!! Though other times it just grants me permission to sing without feeling self-conscious.)
My brain has been very busy trying to come up with sound absorption strategies. Unfortunately, big rug hookings are very time consuming though fun to think about 😉
I, almost had a meltdown at the birthday party I attended yesterday because there was too much noise and activity but I managed to get out in time.
Running a space is definitely so much work, and I know I’ll find a groove. I used to for sure be at Curious & Kind in Almonte between 1pm-3pm, for the public, and the I’d run workshops for people or space hang outs dedicated to certain groups.
Maybe I’ll do that again! Oh! Thank you for helping me sort this!
Thinking about how I could make you (and other folks like us) more comfortable being there is super helpful!
I appreciate you and hope you find a sound absorption strategy (and if you do, I’d love to hear about it).
Pretty sure it’s wall and floor coverings like curtains and rugs… but the only curtains I have are teal with brown velvet damask. Very glam. Very not-your-space. Hanging the walls with quilts, tapestries, blankets, and heavy fabric curtains would be lovely and make it very cozy it’s just- where do you get those so it doesn’t cost an arm and a leg?
Absolutely that. Either I have regular hours (and the possibility that no one comes and I’ve wasted an entire day waiting) or I do what I used to do, which is check in with my capacity and post the hours daily so folks know where to find them.
Of course if you were coming, you could text me when you wanted to be there, and I’d make sure I was there. 💖💖💖
Regarding that note - I don't really even understand it. I think it's normal for neurodivergent and neurotypical people to be different not only in different environments but just day to day. It sounds like they're trying to mask but maybe got the wrong memo? That seems both hard and not even expected by society, so I am not sure who their audience was and I kinda hope they're okay.
I think it’s likely that the person who wrote it is having realizations they are trying to put into words for themself, and not all of them will be perfectly worded and that is part of their figuring themself out.
Or maybe it was perfectly worded for them and wasn’t meant to explain another person’s experience.
But either way, it gave me something to think about. And it was good thinking.
I appreciate you so very much, and I value your thoughts so very highly. 💖
Also who is the same person in every room? Like, are you the same person in the club as in the boardroom? In the bar or at your in-laws? At parent- teacher and at work? (I’m struggling to allow people the space to have that resonate.) In my experience it’s more figuring out for yourself how each room actually feels instead of relying on how it “should” feel based off common experiences and then what to do about it if it doesn’t feel okay. Like maybe allowing yourself a break outdoors after a tense boardroom meeting instead of discipling yourself back to your desk. Using emails instead of meetings (good advice for anyone!) when possible and meeting people at their workstation or on a walk instead of in a boardroom. (So many strategies are good for all, not just the neurodivergent)
Right?!
But I get it that some people are looking for clever one off phrases to sum up the experience, and while at first glance a quote like this might make sense…this quote didn’t do it for me.
I love that you said, "I shimmer." I think of shimmering as something a person only sees when looking at something/someone else, since it's about how the light bounces off a surface. I like the idea of a person experiencing their own shimmering. I know it could also mean being aware that you shimmer to other people, but I was imagining that you must feel it happening.