I need another word for rest

…plus an ode

The daily sorting is after the 💖💖💖 and I imagine it’ll be a doozy (what a fun word, and one I don’t think I ever use) so feel free to sit this one out and head right down to the prompt which is about writing an ode to parenting teenagers…which I guess my past self knew I world need after trying to write an elegy to parenting small children. Sometimes my past self is right on point. The prompt is after the 🐌🐌🐌

(A faerie birdhouse made by a Yarmouth artist, you can find their work at the Lumberjack’s Daughter, and a tiny star made by R00 R00 as a gift to the space, you can find more of their work here:

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A post shared by @lunenburgartsociety

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It’s 9:52am, Monday. Past me wanted current me to be at Curious & Kind for 10am.

Sometimes past me is a demanding spirit whose wishes are wasted on current me. But sometimes past me is a brilliant gentle hearted human who sets reasonable goals and echoes guidance into the future.

I read a note today that irked my entire body. It said something like being neurodivergent is re-learning to be the same person in every room. Just a broad sweeping statement. There are a lot of them here. And I have to remember that they are speaking from their own experience, and putting little messages in bottles and floating them on this stream…and they are t always meant for me.

…and that one definitely wasn’t.

Part of my being neurodivergent is honouring that I am a multi-faceted creature. It is not my responsibility to be the same person from moment to moment…for anyone, not you, not me, not the world.

I am a shape-shifter. A chameleon. And I love that about myself. I love that my bending into strange shapes has allowed me to understand people in ways I would have if I was just one way.

I love that I am a constellation of weather patterns.

I have always talked, even when I was little, about having a core self. Like a power source. When I check in with my core it reminds me that my essential traits are curiosity and kindness. Everything else is negotiable.

Which is likely why I’m non-binary, in so many ways, not just might gender. I’m fluid. Not easily pinned down or defined. Because I do not like to be defined by other people. It sets my whole nervous system to high alert.

Some might call that mercurial (what a beautiful word), but I prefer iridescent.

I shimmer. I go dark sometimes.

Yesterday I left my soft opening to go to a birthday party, and drove for 45 minutes to find myself at a table of wondrous friends at this magical cafe in a small town I hadn’t been to…and our friend had insisted we didn’t bring him gifts, and that we let him pay for our lunch.

It was an honour to be one of five people who were invited. This man is a dear friend, and a gentle hearted human who has lived more than 70 years. My septuagenarian friends show me the path ahead, and I’m grateful for the ones who treat it as just another delightful human stage.

(As a person who has been chronically ill with chronic pain since I was a small child, lungs that don’t work quite the way their meant to, joint that ache and tell me the weather is changing…a stroke survivor at 42…those folks who warn me that my body will fall apart and fail me, and that old age is a curse…just let me know that they don’t share my experiences, that maybe they lead a painless life…and are being surprised by their bodies, and I understand, but I’m terribly excited to grow old and want to see Haley’s Comet come back around…whispered aside over)

I wanted to write about my weekend. About the magical moments that occurred. It’s funny how one phrase can grab ahold of my brain, and how I have to sort and shake it off before I can move on.

If being neurodivergent to you means re-learning to be the same person in every room, and that resonates with you, my heart is happy that you found that message in a bottle. It made me feel as if there was only one way to be neurodivergent. And my brain is still rebelling against the sweeping broad generalization.

So I’ll take a moment. Turn on some beautiful music, and reset.

(Words are powerful, aren’t they?! So cool! But it reminds me that have to be careful about what I read before I arrive here.)

Here’s a song that usually resets my heart and reminds me that love is at my core too.

Now I can write about this past weekend.

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It is now 10:20am.

I am “supposed” to be at Curious & Kind.

But I need…rest. Downtime. Re-energizing. Like the solar powered lights in my space, I need some sunshine on my spirit before I can go back and be bright.

On Friday I spent the day cleaning and bringing things to the space. I spent the months of July and August envisioning, and gathering people who wanted to come paint furniture, make friends and find comfort in the auspices offered by those walls.

The soft opening this past weekend was about letting people into the discs to imagine themselves and the dreams they might bring to life there.

For each person it was different.

Some folks envisioned bringing a bundle of yarn and knitting.

Another wanted to learn to play chess.

Some just wanted to sit and chat about what was on their minds.

A dear friend of mine brought her darling husband and wondrous children, and for an hour they visited. They read books. Made art. Played. Created monster dioramas. Hid flamingoes in fridges. At one point my friend hugged the giant bunny, Bunsqually, who sits on the velvety chaise lounge and she closed her eyes and snuggled into him while one of her children drew at the table and her husband went to go look at the monster her other child had made.

That moment. It was everything.

It was magic.

So many people came through. 42 folks on Saturday (if you included me and my partner) wandered in over the course of eight hours.

One of my friends from the consignment shop next door brought me plants that needed light and a little extra love! He just got it. That this was a space for temporary care.

Placed about the space are storied objects and art I love, to spark conversations, and bring joy.

The 15 year old artist who I hired to help me this summer continued to help me paint the bookshelf, and helped manage the monster making corner. At one point there were three of us artists from very different generations 30 years gap on either side of me painting this shelf together.

It was also magic.

Saturday we closed the doors and went for dinner, my partner and I. And then we played some Timy Bookshop, and watched the first episode of Renegade Nell (it is really really good).

Then Sunday I got up and went to the space because a friend had wanted to bring some furniture, early.

She let me know she couldn’t come until afternoon, but I was greeted by two women who came to sit in the space with me for the opening hour before I had to leave to go to the birthday party.

…and the birthday party was lovely. And I wish I could have stayed longer, but I had a commitment to the people I’d invited to come visit Curious & Kind.

I picked up my partner, and it started to rain.

We got to the space and my friend wanted me to come help her put the furniture into her vehicle to bring it to the space. She left her husband sitting in her gallery, so she could help me, and I left my partner watching over Curious & Kind.

…and we moved these very very old school desks in the pouring rain, laughing, and connecting.

I came back to the space to find that I’d missed so many people of invited.

They left cards, and trinkets and gifts, and cupcakes and a small plant.

But they got to see the space. My partner showed them around.

…I had to acknowledge that I can’t be everything everywhere all at once.

…I have to trust that the space also is an entity that offers gentle kindness and welcome.

Today I’m a little behind. I’m not sure I’ll go in.

I think I’ll start my regular hours September 15th.

I may also restart my Instagram so I can post daily hours upon it so that I don’t have to sit in the space every day from 10-6pm, and so people can message me if they’d like to drop by and do things in the space, like I used to.

I will choose not to engage with mean people, trolls, or people who think I “should” be doing things.

For the next ten months Curious & Kind will exist in this space and I’m not sure what it’ll be.

But I do know that two people on a date yesterday sat in the space yesterday and made a monster diorama; together. And it was ADORABLE.

There were so many beautiful things about the weekend.

And now I’m taking a day of recharging before I get to go see my friend at 4:30pm today.

I love that I’m able to assess my decisions (like not using social media at all for my endeavour) and change my mind. That I don’t have to let anyone box me around, not even my past self.

Heart,

Wake

(I don’t normally smile, full teeth in pictures, but I was feeling overwhelmed by happiness yesterday, having changed out of my drenched clothes and gotten something to eat)

Ah yes! The prompt!

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Write an ode to parenting my teenagers

You are so much taller

When you hug me I feel smaller

Our conversations are often deep

And you sleep!

You’ve made it this far

And only need some guidance

I don’t have to wipe any butts

And sometimes

You make your own lunch

You’ve grown from sweet creative energetic kids

To thoughtful creative teens

We can watch 14+ movies together

And your not scared during the scary scenes

(Even when I still am)

You can stay up until midnight

You make your own play date arrangements

Maybe you’re grumpy sometimes

And so am I

But I feel so grateful to be here

That you are growing up

That you still want me to be a part of your lives

(It’s not the best ode, but I’ve been writing for two hours 😂, and I need to take a shower)