42

…today is the 42nd day of the year

The Whimsical Wednesday prompts are right here.

Week 7

43. Picking Blueberries

44. He Promised me A Horse

45. The Story of my First Fish

46. The Hospital Visit

47. The Tire Swing

48. The Giant Who Saved my Cat

49. Root beer and garter snakes

(I can already see that this is going to be a fun week)

The tiny book. #42 is here

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Lost & Found

Tiny book 42 Lost & Found

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Today I am discombobulated. (One of my favourite words from grade 3 spelling)

Today is Wednesday. A day I’ve made my favourite day of the week. On Wednesdays for over two years I’ve created prompts so that I might write upon them until next Wednesday.

But in 2026 I’ve opted to also write on a prompt on Wednesday because this year I’m writing a tiny book for every day of the year.

Today is an important day only to me (and those who celebrate things on February 11) because it is the 42nd day of the year.

An arbitrary day to most. And to me until this year.

Surprisingly it had not occurred to me to count the days and find the 42nd of the year.

What is this numeric nonsense? (Maybe you’ve already left this newsletter because of the numbers and feeling of un-clarity, and I would not blame you. Being tied to the number 42 is one of my strange quirks that I’ve never been able to completely and adequately explain to people who don’t have brains like mine…but I want to try.)

Why 42?

I get asked often because of my tattoo. And because of this.

…if you’re a HGTTG fan you’re saying, just say it. It’s because of Douglas Adams. It’s because of the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.

42 is the answer to Life, the universe and everything else.

“The answer to the great question of Life, the Universe and Everything...is forty-two.”

I read the book when I was between 15 and 16. My best friend’s father, knowing I was a sci-fi and humour reader…handed me a giant time of a book.

I consumed it, and in doing so laid the foundations for this weird affinity with the number 42.

Taken by Adams writing, the silliness of it, the traipsing quality of his words, and the worlds he built…I started reading his other work. Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency was next.

…and somehow, the aesthetic of both books fused in my head.

I loved the way that Dirk just…followed things without a shred of evidence, and how it all worked out in the end.

I loved how Deep Thought, the supercomputer that arrived at the answer 42 after millions of years of processing…didn’t know the question it was actually answering. That 42 was essentially a joke to Adams. That it intentionally had no deeper meaning.

I loved that.

I loved that because the Hitchhiker’s Guide had a large readership that the number 42 just pops up more often in pop culture. That it’s a gentle way to find other adorable nerds in the world.

Nerds with great sense of humour. Those are my people. People who have a whimsy and silliness about them.

42 allowed me to connect with them.

…and then, when my brain was at its darkest…and I wasn’t sure I could go on. I tricked it one night.

I told my brain that each time we saw a 42…something good was about to happen.

I taught my brain to twirl, instead of spiral.

And so for years…I shared my love of the number 42 with close friends and romantic partners.

If I was feeling down my friends would only have to send a 42, and my brain was already half way out of a spiral.

Now those of you who have OCD might recognize this magical thinking and go, I know how to diagnose you (you’d be right, and I already know).

But I’ve been working with my brain for a long time. I’ve found ways to love who I am, and to be simpatico with the shit it sometimes throws at me.

At some point I even taught myself to take a deep breath every time I saw the number 42.

The world delivers the number 42 everywhere. On license plates, on receipts, on jerseys.

I don’t find myself feeling terrible a lot anymore. At least not from within. The world has an incredible amount of awful in it. Always.

The clock turned to 3:42pm as I wrote that.

…and it has an awful lot of good in it. So much good. And I’ve trained myself to see it.

…because otherwise I wouldn’t be here. I’m grateful for all the characters I watched stand up what is thoughtful and kind.

I’ve watched actual people do the same. Some people choose one thing and they hold fast. It’s their thing and they mobilize people around it. And it’s beautiful.

I cannot hold fast to one thing. Unless that thing is community. Over and over I’ve found that gently connecting people has made a genuine difference. But that I can’t stick around to be a part of it. That somehow my presence, which in the beginning has a stabilizing effect…will begin to destabilize things if what I’m doing becomes a demand. If it’s no longer a choice I’m making for myself.

So I have to leave.

It’s a thing I know about myself.

On this 42nd day of 2026. I feel comfortable realizing that my place is temporary. That I’m an ephemeral being.

We all are.

…and I’m strangely grateful for that.

Being me takes a lot of energy. And someday. Not soon, but someday in the far fetched future, I will be able to rest.

I didn’t even explain that I was born the year the hitchhiker’s guide was published (I only discovered that when I saw the 42nd anniversary edition), or that I survived my stroke only thirteen days after I had my 42nd birthday.

My relationship with the number 42 is a strange weird me thing, and I’m okay with no one completely understanding it.

My partner turns 42 this year.

The year 2042 is still coming.

I suppose I could try living to 42 000 days old (115ish years).

Giving myself absurd things to look forward to is how I get through. That and trying to be my gentlest self every day.

Today I had plans.

I was going to see a really wondrous friend at her magical cafe.

But the snow decided otherwise.

…and because it’s the 42nd day of the year, I’m okay with it. Whatever was meant to happen today for me…it’s ok.

Heart,

Wake

Today I’ll likely get to editing some of the podcasts I recorded in the 42 conversation series I’m doing. I’m almost finished recording.

The conversations have been magical. They start here, in December 2024.