I don’t have many photos from when I was a teenager. I HATED (like felt physically irritated and nauseated) when people wanted to take my picture. I suspect it was because I have severe pathological demand avoidance. To this day. I try to predict if someone is going to tell me what to do. So that I don’t have a meltdown or respond in anger or by crying and running away.
🌵Read more about PDA (pathological demand avoidance) here:
https://www.pdasociety.org.uk/what-is-pda-menu/about-autism-and-pda/
So the photos I have, that were taken from afar or without my knowledge are precious to me.
The above photo was taken by my bandmate’s father. We played the high school dances. I feel lucky to have found a gentle group of wondrous outsiders and music-obsessed darlings to spend time with. They made me the “lead” singer because none of them felt comfortable singing on stage in front of people at the time. I on the other hand revelled in the ability to scream-sing lyrics while a crowd of teenagers moshed in front of us. It meant I didn’t have to be in the crowd. I’ve always been more comfortable interacting one on one, or being the coordinator of events, separate and in control of the happenings.
Why am I talking about being a teenager? It was so long ago. But some days it feels fresh. Some of my clearest moments are from that era.
The reason though, it that as of tomorrow I will officially have two teenagers.
My youngest kid will be 13, and for the first time in 13 years I don’t have the day to spend with him.
We have plans…me, his Dad, my partner and his brother to have dinner and go mini golfing at the end of the day.
As of tomorrow I will have two teenagers in my life. And I’m excited to get to know my children and they grow, change and become more independent. Right now they also don’t love having their pictures taken. But sometimes they’ll say, take a picture of me now, I want to remember this moment. And I’m grateful that they’ll let me know.
So today is important for me. But I know that every day kind of is (and kind of isn’t).
I hope your day is beautiful.
💖💖💖
Here’s another teenaged picture of me.
From band camp. One of my favourite places in the world. Where I got to be me. I was part of the percussionist group and in my fourth year the directors of my group even made me the leader of the percussion section.
In this picture my hair in its natural state and I’m trying to smile for the camera. (Next to me (I’ve cut them out of the picture so as not to impact their right to keep their teenage self private) is the trumpet player I had a crush on, so I’m also trying to be cool.)
Do you have a favourite teenage moment? I’d love to hear about it.
Heart,
Wake